Joy

I don't really know where to start.

I know I said I would do this weekly, but its been two weeks and nothing

I guess it's because, other then my Hiroshima trip (I'll get to that in a second) nothing really special has been happening.

I'm not sur eif its the weather (although that has never effected me before) or what but I haven't been feeling the happiest lately. and it's not because I have culture shock, or because I miss my home (please *rolls eyes* hahaha) but I think it's a few things.

firstly, I can't even explain in words how the Hiroshima trip effected me, I felt so many emotions that day it was unreal, I think it did a number on me, which might be why I'm still feeling so drained.
If you want to hear about it, I'd rather talk about it in person, when I can really explain myself. Also I feel like I can't do it justice, you have to SEE it, you have to BE there to really understand.
One of the main things that got to me, other then the visuals I kept getting, was the fact it had almost become this tourist place. like people taking pictures of a dead childs clothing that had been preserved, what th ehell?
I dunno, I tried my best to ignore it.  also I just feel like I want to shake people untill they understand, This is NOT a joke, it's not something that we should laugh about, it's not something that the Japanese people deserved. If you went there and saw it..and actually LOOKED, you would see why Nuclear War should NEVER happen again. Why these weapons should be destroyed. you could read a million books about it, but untill you actually see the memorial, I don't believe someone wil ever really understand the magnatitude. I also met, and talk to a survivor of the bombing which also really opened my eyes and it was the most beauitful, sad, amazing story I've ever heard.
if you want to read her story, you can,
http://www.wagingpeace.org/articles/1999/00/00_matsubara_spirit-hiroshima.php

Anyways,
I think the hiroshima trip has a lot to do with my mood.
Also I had / am having a lot of money stress. but I guess I'll just try not to think too much about it and be careful with how much I spend.
And a few other things that happened have kind of sunk in this week, which i think is because of the hiroshima thing.

With the whole Hiroshima thing, I feel like I've had a bit of reality check...
like my life can't be that hard,
I should be so thankful for the things I have, and I think EVERYONE, loses sight of that, everyone.
It's not like, I'm sitting here complaining or anything and then suddendly felt I should feel thankful, I just feel like....I don't know...like, I'm just SO lucky to be born when I was, but then at the same time, i dunno.
sigh,
I can't put this into words on the screen,  Ihave to think about it more, and if you want to hear about it, lets grab a coffee and talk about it.

other then all that, life has been really good
I have been pondering the Word "Joy"
I remember when I was little, we always listened to Adventures in Odessy when I was little, and I love thoes Tapes, they were huge building blocks for me. And I will never forget, my most favourite one, when they teach about Joy. and That being Joyful isn't about always being Happy, it's not about the emotion you are feeling RIGHT NOW, it's the emotion at the end of the day. Joy.
"Count it all joy, my brothers, when you`re faced with trials and temptations, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance"  James 1: 2-3


it's funny, I've had people say to me, "emily, you're in Japan, you should be So happy!" well, honestly, I'm not on vacation, I'm living here, faceing everyday struggles, and more so then most people, I'm a forgiener, I have to deal with 40 year old men wanting to "practice their english" with  me. plus I have normal school just like everyone else, etc etc etc. Life is life, no matter where you are, just because I'm here doesn't mean I'm walking around with a smile on my face 24/7. People who seem like they are always happy, or never have anything bad to say(but always having something bad to say isn't good either), are usually people who are trying to pretend the bad isn't there, instead of dealing with it. Shit happens. 
I don't know why I'm talking about this, but I feel like I need to reassure everyone, I'm not having a bad time, but shit happens.
At the end of everyday, I'm joyful
My new goal in life is to finish everyday feeling joyful. not necessarily happy, but joyful.


Anyways I've been meeting a lot of new friends lately, or rather, building stronger friendships with the people I met in the last month, I think oct is a busy month for japanese students (my program doesn't really follow the normal pattern of japanese school) maybe exams or something because all my friends seemed to be busy this month but are free in November, hahah so hopefully I will get to spend a lot more time with my japanese friends (that is why, if you were wondering most of my pics are with the international girls - not that I don't like hanging out with them too! xD)




anyways because we have ust been really busy with homework and stuff nothing really monumental has happened. So you got a really all over the place essay instead :)
for people who are on my postcard list, expect some in the next few weeks <3


I love you all,
going through a bit of a rough patch right now, just normal emotional girls stuff haha, words of encouragement would be loveely, from my lovelies.


-Emily